This Just In

Family Game Night

2010-01-22T08:41:00.000-08:00

Quiz Time!

Guess which concepts...

(a) How to find videos "on demand"
(b) The Haitian relief efforts
(c) The Masturbating Bear

I had to explain to which family member...

(a) Dan-El, age 4
(b) Jak-El, age 7
(c) The Husband, age 42

I'm Just Going to Hope Scott Brown Regenerates into Someone More Suitable...

2010-01-20T09:51:00.000-08:00

The Doctor and Donna....Or Something...

2009-12-28T08:10:00.000-08:00

A Short Photo Series by Dan-El

2009-12-18T04:16:00.000-08:00

Oh, you want to take a picture of us? That's nice.

Jak-El too? How sweet. And the shadow over part of the image--how artsy!

Okay, that's enough. Give me the camera. We don't need photos of the TV, no matter how cool Jak-El is telling you it is...

No, we're done. Give me the camera....

...'cause I'm gonna take some pictures now!

Hey! What do you mean I'm done too?

No, stop! Gimme that! I....hey! What...

Okay. Now I'm done.

Merry December 17!

2009-12-17T07:25:00.001-08:00

Ho Ho Ho

2009-12-15T07:48:00.000-08:00

This weekend, we made our annual trip to the mall to see Santa. And as with tradition, Dan-El sat on Santa's lap, while Jak-El wanted absolutely no part of it.

He was however, happy to pose near Santa's village.

He also insisted on having his photo taken with the Ronald McDonald statue.

(the next morning, as we walked to school)

Lois: So what was your favorite part of the weekend?

Dan-El: Going to see Santa and getting a milk shake.

Lois: That's nice.

Dan-El: Someday, I want to go see Barack Obama.

Lois: Um, you know that he doesn't go to the mall and pose for photos like Santa, right?

Dan-El: Oh.....I want to go see an anteater.

Why It's Realllly Good That I've Started Taking the Boy to Church and Sunday School, Before I Cause Any Serious Theological Damage

2009-12-13T16:43:00.001-08:00

Jak-El: Mom, now that I know what Christmas is about, what is Easter all about?

(what goes through my head:)
Well, Jesus dies. But it's okay. It's kind of like when Doctor Who regenerates into...

(what comes out of my mouth:)
Um....let's wait until after Christmas to talk about that, okay?

On the Way to Buy the Christmas Tree...

2009-12-12T14:51:00.000-08:00

Dan-El: Why did the cat cross the road?

Lois: I don't know. Why did the cat cross the road?

Dan-El: To decorate the Christmas tree!

(Everyone laughs)

Jak-El: I don't get it.

Lois: It's funny, because cats are Jewish.

Jak-El: Oh. Yeah.....I don't get it.

Thank you, thank you. We'll be here until New Year's. Try the veal. Don't lick the tree. Tip your waiters. Watch out for the creepy Santa.

Fa La La La La Oh Bla Di Oh Bla Di La

2009-12-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

In honor of Cake's upcoming birthday, I'm going to try and start updating this blog regularly again. Sort maybe. Or something.

First off, some photos of our gingerbread house, which is a lovely way to use up all the Halloween candy we still have lying around the house.

And next, the thought provoking conversation the boy and I had this morning.

Lois: We'll have to put up the tree this weekend.

Jak-El: Yeah!

Lois: First we'll frost it...

Jak-El: No!

Lois: But we have to frost it. How else will be get the sprinkles to stay on?

Jak-El: Mom! No! We don't frost the tree.

Lois: Oh, right. We put gravy on the tree.

Jak-El: No!

Lois: Catsup?

Jak-El: No!

Lois: But I don't want to eat it plain!

Jak-El: We don't eat it!

Lois: What do we do with it then?

Jak-El: We decorate it!

Lois: And why do we do that?

Jak-El: Um....so we can stand around and look at it.

Lois: You sure?

Jak-El: Yes!

Lois: Okay, if you say so. So anyway, tomorrow we're going to put the tree in a big box, wrap it up and...

Jak-El: Mom!

Lois: We cut it up and put it into little boxes?

Jak-El: No! We decorate it.

Lois: Oh yeah.

Jak-El: Duh.

Oh no!

2009-11-11T13:03:00.000-08:00

Jayne's blogging again? Does that mean all of us slackers are supposed to get back to work?

EEP!

Um.....

Here, have some photos of my kids rockin' out at a Wiggles concert a few weeks ago. This counts as a post, right?

Worth Watching For Some of the Costumes...

2009-09-11T10:00:00.001-07:00

It's Kommissar Rex Appreciation Day!

2009-09-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Find out more here. Woof!

Happy International Chicken Appreciation Day!

2009-09-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

What About You?

2009-08-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

Jak-El: Who wants to succeed?

Dan-El: Not me! I don't wanna suck seeds!

I Had A Dream...

2009-08-27T10:45:00.001-07:00

...that the Tom Baker version of the Doctor was thwarting a Dalek invasion by feeding them apples.

Thank you!

I Have Absolutely Nothing To Blog About...

2009-08-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

....so go over here and read all the Crazy Jason posts.

Thank you!

Everyone's a Critic...

2009-08-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

Lois: Wanna hear a joke? Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Jak-El: I dunno.

Lois: Because 7 8 9.

Jak-El: I don't get it.

Lois: 7 ate 9....get it?

Jak-El: No....

Lois: 7 ate -- chomp chomp chomp -- 9. Now do you get it?

Jak-El: Oh......yeah, I get it. Is that supposed to be funny?

Lois: It is funny.

Jak-El: No, it's not. You know what joke needs?

Lois: What?

Jak-El: More farting.

A Snippet IANO Will Love

2009-08-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

(Husband and Lois watch coverage of Eunice Shriver's wake on the news)

Husband: Oprah? What the hell is Oprah doing there?

Lois: Huh? Oprah's there?

Husband: Yeah. She...oh, I know!

Lois: There was free ham.

Husband: YES!!!

(note: I Googled the phrase "Kennedy Ham image" to see if I could find some art to go with this. Along with images of actual hams, I also got pictures of babies, split pea soup, Jon Ham and Morgan Freeman.)

Even Hitler Loves Doctor Who

2009-08-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

Something for the Who/Torchwood Nerds

2009-07-27T08:50:00.001-07:00

Lois and the Husband Drive To Boston

2009-07-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

Lois: Okay, you want to be in this lane. (points to the right)

Husband: We are in "this" lane.

Lois: You know what I mean. That lane. (points again)

Husband: I'm driving. I can't look at you pointing. You mean one lane over, right?

Lois: Yes. You know, it's not my fault that you don't have a chip in your head enabling you to read my thoughts.

Husband: It's called the "middle" lane.

Lois: Bamboo.

Husband: What?

Lois: Never mind.

Yep, It's Monday

2009-07-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Car Talk

2009-07-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

Dan-El: Jake, I just saw an awesome dude!

Jak-El: Did he have tattoos?

Dan-El: Yeah.

Jak-El: Did he have muscles?

Dan-El: Yeah.

Jak-El: Did he have ladies?

Dan-El: No.

Jak-El: Then he’s only half an awesome dude.

Lois: You have to have ladies to be an awesome dude?

Jak-El: Yeah. Ladies….or dogs.

Lois: Big dogs or little dogs?

Jak-El: Big dogs.

Lois: Which is better to have, ladies or dogs?

Jak-El: Both.

Lois: Which would you pick?

Jak-El: I don’t know.

Dan-El: I wanna be an awesome dude!

Lois: What good about having a dog?

Jak-El: A dog would protect you.

Lois: And what’s good about having a lady?

Jak-El: You’d have a hottie.

Lois: What if a guy doesn’t like ladies? Can he still be an awesome dude?

Jak-El: Nope.

Lois: But that’s okay, right?

Jak-El: Oh yeah. That’s okay.

Dance, Everyone, Dance!

2009-07-13T12:27:00.001-07:00

(found via Occasional Superheroine's site)

You Lookin' At Me?

2009-07-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

L is For Lois!

2009-07-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

Go to this site and learn your letters! Get some of that fancy book learnin'! C'mon, I dare ya!

TIKI THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-04T14:22:00.000-07:00

Highlights from Free Comic Book Day (or "Saturday," As the Less Educated Folks Call It…)

2009-05-04T09:12:00.000-07:00

1. Got free comics. (Duh.)

2. Took Dan-El for his first swimming lesson. The good news: He's fearless about the water. The bad news: He's fearless about the water. sigh

3. Met Joe, Kathy, Kicky and Jumpy for the first time live and in person at the nerd shoppe. Let me tell you, in person they are just as cute and nice a family as you would imagine. And those two little boys have the most beautiful eyes.

4. Had water gun fight with kids. Jak-El monologues during battles way too much for his own good.

5. Got ice cream at Lizzie's. Watched Jak-El make a spectacular catch when a scoop of strawberry toppled off his cone. Advised him about 10 second later that he might want to stop clenching the ice cream in his fist and put it back on the cone. He thought this was funny.

6. Watched yet another thrilling t-ball game, the Marlins vs. the Mets. Go fish! Also heard from the mom of one of Jak-El's pals the story of how she got kicked out of summer camp when she was a kid. Makes me like her even more.

7. Had sushi for dinner. Couldn’t wake up Dan-El to eat his gyoza and noodles—he was pooped from the big day.

Wolverine, The Musical

2009-04-30T07:06:00.001-07:00

A Muppet and a Fat Guy

2009-04-07T05:09:00.001-07:00

Ah, the Joys of Bat-Maki

2009-04-01T11:09:00.001-07:00

Ah, The Joys of Public Transit

2009-04-01T10:52:00.001-07:00

The Word of the Day is...

2009-03-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

OCTAGON!

Truth, Justice...and My Son

2009-03-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

Husband: Dan-El is lying again.

Lois: What now?

Husband: He said he finished his lunch, but then I found his pizza under the coffee table.

Lois: Sweetie, we've told you lying is bad.

Dan-El: Why?

Lois: It's not nice to lie. It hurts people's feelings and its wrong. And besides, we're always going to figure it out. So no more lying, okay? Just tell the truth.

Dan-El: Okay....you've got a big butt.

A New Phoned-In Post, Because Now Even the Husband is Complaining That I'm a Slacker

2009-03-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport

What Would You Pay?

2009-03-16T09:19:00.001-07:00

Mmmm....fruity!

2009-03-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

Want proof that delicious snacks make everything better?

Go here.

(The nerds who grew up in the 70s will especially appreciate this.)

Happy Tuesday!

Meanwhile, Back at McDonald's...

2009-03-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

Dan-El: Open my toy, open my toy!

Lois: Okay. Just don't shoot it in here, okay? No one wants Sandman to lose his balls.

Dan-El: Can I pretend he's Spider-Man?

Lois: Sure.

Jak-El: He's not Spider-Man!

Lois: If he wants it to be Spider-Man, he can pretend it's Spider-Man. Eat your apples.

Dan-El: Spider-Man, Spider-Man, yes he can, Spider-Man….

::Lois eats one of Jak-El's "Apple Dippers"::

Lois: Oh gawd. These taste weird, like they're covered in chemicals or something.

Husband: Of course they are. How do you think they get cut apples to stay "fresh" for weeks?

Lois: I know, I know. The ones at Burger King taste better.

Husband: Why do you think they give you the caramel dipping sauce?

Lois: Jak-El doesn't eat that though….

Husband: Which is a good thing.

Lois: Have you tried it? It's really good.

Husband: What? No. I don't want any apples.

Lois: You don't need the apples. You can just eat the sauce.

Husband: No, you don't….oh god, you're going to gross me out now, aren't you?

::Lois proceeds to eat container of caramel sauce::

Husband: You know, I could see you and the kids being quite happy living in a trailer together.

Lois: You say something Darnell?

Saturday Morning Watchmen

2009-03-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

Oh, I'm sure Alan Moore will looooove this.

Spins a Web Any Size, Plays the Banjo, That's No Lie...

2009-03-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

Jak-El: Mom, what powers does Venom have?

Lois: Um, I'm not sure. He's really strong. And if you go by this Happy Meal toy, he spits water.

Dan-El: He plays!

Jak-El: He does not!

Lois: Sure he does! He plays...the banjo!

Jak-El: Nobody likes the banjo.

Lois: Maybe that's why Venom doesn't have a lot of friends.

Jak-El: You know what instrument I hate? The triangle.

Lois: Why on earth do you hate the triangle? Did you have to play it during music class or something?

Jak-El: Yes. I hate the dinging.

Dan-El: Chicken butt!

David Tennant and Cake

2009-02-18T11:53:00.000-08:00

A Musical Interlude

2009-02-12T08:44:00.001-08:00

YATTERMAN!

2009-02-09T07:44:00.001-08:00

Friday Night Dance Party

2009-02-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Grant Morrison,

2009-02-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

Please stop doing interviews trying to explain "Final Crisis." You're making my head hurt.

It's a comic book. You shouldn't have to read 16 interviews to understand a comic book.

If you do, it just isn't good.

Love,
Lois

PS--"Zenith" and "Animal Man" still rock.

The Beginning of the End

2009-02-02T09:49:00.000-08:00

*sigh*

Dear Winter,

2009-01-29T08:33:00.000-08:00

Seriously. Enough already. Bugger off.

Love,
Lois

You Know You Need A Haircut When....

2009-01-27T14:32:00.000-08:00

...you look in the mirror and realize that no matter what you do to your hair, you still look you belong in "Lost." And not in a sexy, scruffy Kate kind of way, but in a "I've been in the jungle for 15 years and I'm sorta insane now" Rousseau kind of way.

Phonin' It In, Jedi Style

2009-01-26T09:52:00.001-08:00

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Meanwhile...Jak-El Turns 6

2009-01-23T11:36:00.001-08:00

Yeah, I haven't updated the blog in a while. What have I been up to? Oh, y'know. Stuff. Like celebrating Jak-El's sixth birthday.

Here's the boy.

He requested Bakugan cupcakes, so I did my best. At first, I was really trying. Then I got bored. And he stopped helping so I began improvising.

Here's one for the comic book nerds in the crowd. No one else at the party got it.

He also wanted himself on the cake, along with bear. Yes, I am aware this looks like Mr. Bill. Oh noooooo!

Happy Weekend!

Even Parrots Like the Sea Kittens!

2009-01-12T11:37:00.001-08:00

Parrot 'pets' cat @ Yahoo! Video

Fancy Pants!

2009-01-08T06:40:00.000-08:00

The Couple O' Weeks in Random Quotes

2009-01-05T04:59:00.000-08:00

(smell of smoke and screaming emanates from kitchen)

Lois: It just ain't Christmas til' someone catches on fire.

Cousin: Yep.

* * * * * * * * *

Friend: We were in spitting distance of Brendan Fraser.

Friend's Husband: Why would you want to spit on Brendan Fraser.

Lois: Yeah. He seems like a nice guy.

Friend: No, I'm just saying that we were close enough to…

Friend's Husband: I'm sorry honey. I just can't stand by you on this.

Lois: There are lots of celebrities I'd spit on, but not him.

Friend: sigh.

* * * * * * * * * *

(at family funeral, at the cemetary)

Undertaker: Excuse me, but there's a Jeep rolling down the hill.

Cousin: Oh jeez. (runs off)

Priest: Huh. That's the second time I've had that happen at a funeral.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Jak-El: Mom, have you ever had amnesia?

Lois: Not that I remember.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

(Christmas Day)

Dad-In-Law: C'mon son, you can finish this lobster.

Husband: God no, dad. I haven't even finished my own.

Dad-In-Law: Then what about you D.? C'mon.

Bro-in-Law: No, I can't. Really. Why does he want us to eat so much?

Lois: So you'll be sluggish when you fight him later.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Lois: I'm just not sure about the actor who'll be the new Doctor.

Husband: Don't worry. He'll be a loser just like David Tennant.

Lois: Shut up!

Dan-El: Eiiiiiiiiieeeee!

Husband: Go hug your mother.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

(children are running amok in McDonald's)

Lois: You two are lucky I can't trade you for a dozen donuts.

Jak-El: Donuts? Are we getting donuts?

Lois: No.

Jak-El: Then why did you say donuts?

Lois: Never mind. And stop licking the soda machine.

Happy 09' People!

Forget About Shoes--I Want a Dalek for Christmas!

2008-12-15T12:55:00.000-08:00

So, Have You Ever Gotten This Pissed Off At A Co-Worker?

2008-12-12T14:10:00.001-08:00

(AP) The singer in a teen gothic metal band and her brother allegedly stabbed the band's guitarist dozens of times because he did not play well enough, Italian police and a lawyer said Friday.

On a less bloody note, Happy Weekend! I'm off to do a bunch of holiday nonsense--get a tree, shop, address cards and terrorize my kids by taking them to see Santa. Y'know, the usual.

Let's Go, Ladies!

2008-12-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

My Son, the Investigative Journalist

2008-12-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

Jak-El is home sick from school today. He's been sick since last Thursday, and is starting to feel better, but I kept him home today since he really hasn't been eating yet and I'm hoping to get him to eat today so he'll have energy tomorrow.

Anyway...

I have to get work done today. I told him if he let me get some things edited, we could do some fun stuff later, like play games, put up some Christmas decorations, do some art projects etc. This is his interpretation of leaving me alone for an hour to work. All are direct quotes from the boy genius, from the last hour:

What is wax?

Did you have to do homework when you were a kid?

Was it boring?

What's a household?

How do you play a bass?

Can you tell me a joke?

Is that funny?

Do I look like I'm flying?

What are we going to do today?

And after that?

And after that?

And after that?

Do rats live in televisions?

Do you want to eat chips and salsa?

When do you want to play a card game?

Can I take all the pillows off the couch for my flying thing?

Where am I?

Am I drowning?

Have you ever seen a reptile?

Have I ever seen a reptile?

What does this say?

What do I look like?

Do robots have auto-pilot?

Is the future real?

Is today the future?

Will everything be different tomorrow?

Why did you go to the grocery store?

Why did I have to stay here?

Can I have milk?

What kind of mac & cheese did you get?

Can you move the mouse on your computer because the safety bed is squishing me?

Does this make me look fat?

Friday Night Double Feature

2008-12-05T15:19:00.000-08:00

And now it's in my head too...

2008-12-05T06:45:00.000-08:00

...but that's a good thing. Thanks Cake!

And just because it's Friday...

Happy Weekend People! We're off to a wine tasting tomorrow, so life is good.

JELLYBEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

It's December, So You Know What That Means....

2008-12-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

...time to watch the David Tennant Boots ad. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS!

I Should Be Working Right Now...

2008-12-02T08:43:00.001-08:00

...so please enjoy a musical interlude from Mr. John Barrowman.

And Now a Message From Girls Navy Commodore Betty White:

2008-11-26T10:57:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Disgusting Holiday Drinks the Husband and I Dreamed Up While Waiting for Lunch at Friendly's*

2008-11-24T07:33:00.001-08:00

The Gobble Gobble
Mix two parts cranberry juice with one part pumpkin-infused vodka. Add turkey-broth ice cubes and garnish with mashed potato flakes. Enjoy!

Santa's Surprise
Mix two parts egg nog with one part candy cane liqueur. Add reindeer broth (beef broth can be substituted if you don't have fresh reindeer broth) ice cubes to chill. Garnish with a handful of green peas and a candy cane for festive holiday colour. Enjoy!

Anyone else have any ideas?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

*After Friendly's, the husband went off to Sears to do some manly shopping and I walked down the mall with the kids towards the playspace. On the way, I stopped in Godiva to (a) buy a hostess gift to give to my cousin on Thanksgiving and (b) redeem a coupon I had for two free truffles.

The kids were being maniacs as usual and the very nice sales clerk tried to talk to them and calm them down a bit. When Jak-El told her we had just had lunch at Friendly's, I looked at her and said "They really should serve alcohol there. It would be much better." As I said this, I had Dan-El pinned to the ground between my ankles so I could sign the credit card receipt without worrying about him destroying a display of $500 worth of candy. "Oh, you poor thing," said the sales person, who then gave me an extra free truffle.

To sum up: free candy is good!

Finish This Sentence

2008-11-21T06:37:00.000-08:00

I loves me some...

Colbert. Christmas. What Else Do You Need?

2008-11-20T06:40:00.001-08:00

Because Raccoons Loves Them Some New Doctor Who...

2008-11-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

Happy Raccoonsgiving, Charlie Brown!

2008-11-12T11:58:00.000-08:00

It was so nice of the schools to give the kids the day off yesterday to celebrate Raccoon Week. What did the kids and I do with our time? Glad you asked!

1. We had a moment of silence to honor all the raccoons who died when The Master took over the earth and…wait. I'm confusing "Doctor Who" and reality again, aren't I?

2. We bought nifty new light-up sneakers, so we can jump up and down in the yard and provide reading light for the raccoons at night.

3. We had a moment of silence to honor all the raccoons who died when the Hellmouth opened up and demons spewed forth to….wait. I'm confusing "Buffy" and reality again, aren't I?

4. We ate lunch at McDonald's because they have awesome dumpsters to rummage through.

5. We had a moment of silence to honor all the raccoons who died when the Secret Society of Super Villains teleported over from Earth 2 and used a freeze ray to…wait. I'm confusing comic books and reality again, aren't I?

6. We made turkey shaped gingerbread cookies, so the vegetarian raccoons could celebrate Thanksgiving later this month.

7. Nothing for #7, because raccoons consider the #7 to be sacred and don't like it being disturbed. Shhhhhh.

8. Jak-El did a shadow puppet show of the Raccoon History of the Universe, highlighting the years 1956 to 1972, which historians recognize as a golden era.

9. We had a moment of silence to honor all the raccoons who died in the Great Garbage Can Siege of 1922. (This has gotta be right.)

10. I had wine with dinner and toasted the raccoons. And the fact we had pizza, so I didn't have to cook.

It's Raccoon Week!

2008-11-11T12:56:00.001-08:00

I got nuthin' now. Give me a few minutes to think and put up the Raccoon Week decorations and do my Raccoon Week shopping and I'll get back to you.

Raccoons!

Raccoons!

RACCOONS!!

Webcam + Cold Medication = Fun!

2008-11-10T17:29:00.000-08:00

"Are you my mummy?"

"Dude, don't bogart the albuterol!"

Tee hee. Drugs is fun! Let's share!

Reasons to be Happy Today

2008-11-05T08:28:00.000-08:00

1. It's New Comics Day!

2. James Garner isn't dead!

3. Sarah Palin now has a lot more free time to practice fancy pageant walkin' and shootin' at stuff!

Happy Wednesday people! Let's dance!

Like You Need to be Told...

2008-11-04T08:14:00.000-08:00

Sure, It's Easy to Mock. But What Were You Doing in the 1980s...?

2008-11-03T09:57:00.000-08:00

Hey Squirrels....

2008-10-31T08:56:00.000-07:00

Come and get it! Happy Halloween!

Trick Or Treat!

2008-10-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we went trick or treating at the husband's office. There were lots of kids there.

Bob the Builder and Optimus Prime. Two interesting facts: (1) Now all the men in my household have dressed as Bob the Builder for Halloween. (2) Bob the Builder has endorsed Barack Obama. Take that, Joe the Plumber!

Dan-El realized rather quickly that being cute could get you a lot of candy, and took advantage of this fact.

Bob and Pilchard (the parents of little tots will get that one).

Optimus needs to learn his apple juice limits.

Bumblebee under glass.

Happy Halloween! I'm off to carve the ~~squirrel buffet~~ pumpkins now.

A Musical Interlude

2008-10-26T14:21:00.001-07:00

Curse You, Squirrels!

2008-10-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

Last year, the little bastards at least had the decency to wait until after Halloween to make our pumpkin into a buffet.

Yesterday, I walked out on to my porch to discover that this year, they apparently couldn't wait.

Just for the heck of it, before posting this I went out and checked again. Apparently, they had brunch.

We need to come up with a plan and fast. Here are some of our ideas so far:

1. Build an electric fence. The husband thinks it would be funny to see the little critters hanging off of it.

2. Build a force field. Unfortunately, as Jak-El pointed out: "You need a scientist to do that. And we're not scientists."

3. Post signs alerting squirrels to the much tastier--and possibly chocolate!--pumpkins on neighbor's porch.

4. Kill one squirrel with a chainsaw, as a warning to other squirrels. (I don't think Jak-El has really thought this idea through.)

5. Teleport squirrels to (a) an alternate dimension, (b) New Hampshire, or (c) the future, where they'd have to fight robot squirrels.

6. Gesture wildly at squirrels, while yelling empty threats at them in a bad Italian accent. "You a' squirrels, you a' stop a' eatin' my a' pumpkins, or I'ma' gonna make a' you into a squirrel risotto."

Anyone have any better ideas?

Reason #5,678 Why I Wish The Doctor Really Existed:

2008-10-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

From Peter David's Blog:

"John McCain was so punchy that he got up in front of a crowd in Western Pennsylvania and accidentally said that he agreed with comments allegedly put forward by others that Western Pennsylvania is filled with racists.

And all I could picture was the Doctor standing toward the back of the rally and saying quietly to reporters within earshot, "Don't you think he looks tired?""

Happy Birthday Danny!

2008-10-21T10:02:00.001-07:00

Nanananananannananana....Batmobile Cake!

Note the flames coming out the back, an homage to the "Batman" TV series Batmobile.

The cake was a hit with the the birthday boy, a big 3 years old today.

The Ring Ding wheels were very popular.

Time to Vote!

2008-10-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

No, not for president, for Matt and Sara, two nice people I know (well, I know him but not her but he's nice so we'll assume she's swell too) who are trying to win a free wedding.

Go here and vote.

Why?

1. Weddings are expensive. Give these crazy kids a good start.

2. If they win, they might let us all be bridesmaids.

3. They dressed as Batman and Batgirl for Halloween once (check out the video).

4. What, you have something better to do for the next two minutes? Give me a break...

5. You're still reading this? Go vote already!

ASDF....Space!

2008-10-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

I Really Shouldn't Find This As Funny As I Do Right Now. I Think My Brain Is Broken.

2008-10-09T14:12:00.000-07:00

Good Cake? Affirmative!

2008-10-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

Since my birthday and the husband's are so close together, we traditionally have one cake for the two of us. And I traditionally bake it, since he doesn't cook.

This year, I made my first attempt at using fondant (yes, yes, I've been watching too much "Ace of Cakes") in preparation for making a Batmobile cake for Dan-El later in the month.

I made a K-9 cake as a sequel to last year's TARDIS cake.  I'm kinda pleased with how it came out.

Shortly after these pictures were taken, Dan-El peeled off K-9's nose and ate it. Poor K-9.

Obama Llama Duck

2008-10-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

This Too Shall Pass

2008-09-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

So last night Jak-El wanders into my office around 7:30 p.m.

Jak-El: Mom, I swallowed a marble.

Lois: What? Huh? You did what?

Jak-El: I swallowed a marble (holds hands to throat)

Lois: Really? Seriously? You're not playing? You really swallowed a marble?

Jak-El: Yeah….

Lois: Oh crap. (Actually, I said a much worse word. Several much worse words, to be precise.)

Jak-El: What do we do?

Lois: Well, I think we're going to be going to the hospital. Go find your shoes.

At this point, I run around in a panic to find the husband and tell him what happened.

Lois: Your oldest son just swallowed a marble.

Husband: Really? Oh crap. (Again, actually much worse word was used.)

I call the pediatrician's after hours line and they tell me the Doc will call back within 15 minutes. Phone rings shortly.

Doc: Hi. How ya doin?

Lois: Oh, we've been better.

Doc: Is he breathing okay?

Lois: Yeah. He says he feels fine but his throat hurts a bit.

Doc: What kind of a marble was it? Was it glass? Was there paint on it? We might need to be worried about lead.

Lois: Honey, do you know if the marble was made of glass? Plastic?

Jak-El: It's green.

Lois: Doc, it's green. (At this point, Doc starts to laugh.) Yes, I know this is useless information.

Doc: Just for the heck of it, ask him why he did it.

Lois: Sweetie, why did you swallow the marble?

Jak-El: I wanted to do a trick.

Lois: He says he wanted to do a trick.

Doc: (laughing) Well, he did!

We talk for a few more minutes, and decide a trip to the ER for an x-ray is in order, just to make sure it isn't stuck in his throat.

We drive over to the ER and wait a half hour to check in, and then another 20 minutes to see a triage nurse. Another 20 minutes later, the boy gets an x-ray and we clearly see the marble has made its way to his stomach.

Lois: So in clinical terms, he just needs to poop it out.

X-Ray Tech: Yep.

Jak-El: What's going on?

X-Ray Tech: You'll be fine. The marble will come out on its own.

Jak-El: It's gonna come all the way up and out of my mouth?

Lois: No hon. The other end.

Jak-El: My ear?

Lois: Your butt. You'll poop it out.

Jak-El: Really? (starts laughing)

We wait another 25 minutes or so to be seen by a pediatrician. During this time, Jak-El proudly tells anyone who will listen that he will soon poop out a marble. Finally, we're seen by the ped, who tells us that, yes, he needs to poop it out. And then we wait another 45 minutes for paperwork and a popsicle. (For Jak-El. I didn't get one. Next time, I'm asking for a damn popsicle too.)

To sum up:

1. The new ER at Newton-Wellesley Hospital is much nicer than the old ER.

2. My son now thinks that marbles are bad.

3. Don't put toys in your mouth.

Oh, That Sarah!

2008-09-29T10:44:00.001-07:00

Lois TV

2008-09-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

this is soooooo a test

2008-09-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

Dear World...

2008-09-25T11:15:00.001-07:00

I'm not dead.

Nor am I Bacon Ace.

Will post something soon.

Love,
Lois

PS: To sum up the past week:

Time Wasting Quiz of the Day

2008-09-18T05:25:00.000-07:00

Your result for The Director Who Films Your Life Test...

Sofia Coppola

Your film will be 66% romantic, 33% comedy, 19% complex plot, and a $ 36 million budget.

With few films under her belt (The Virgin Suicides, Lost In Translation, Marie Antoinette) as a writer/director, she's already highly respected and connected -- her dad, Francis, directed all The Godfather movies and Apocolypse Now. Sofia's good at making the romantic drama that is your life with poignant sullen moments of introspection. You saw how she stylishly handled Marie Antoinette's life, no? And who didn't have at least a lump in the throat at the end of Lost In Translation? She's already won one Academy Award for her writing, now she'll be the first woman to receive one for directing -- YOUR FILM!

Take The Director Who Films Your Life Test at HelloQuizzy

Oh Crap! It's Sarah Palin!

2008-09-17T08:00:00.001-07:00

Quick! Arm the prairie dogs!

Hell, arm the toddlers too! Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! We're all in this fight together!

Paid for by Lipstick Wearing Soccer Moms Against Sarah Palin. Photos from the York Beach, ME amusement park and zoo, August 2008. I'm Lois Lane and boy howdy, do I approve this message.

The Mensa Family

2008-09-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

My Son the Genius, Part 1

Jak-El: Dan-El, someday you'll be 5 like me. And then I'll teach you how to medicate.

Lois: You'll teach him how to what?

Jak-El: Medicate.

Lois: What do you think medicate means?

Jak-El: You know, medicate.

[Jak-El crosses legs, closes eyes, and holds hands in front of him, with fingers pinched.]

Lois: Oh, you mean meditate.

Jak-El: I can call it whatever I want.

*********************

My Son the Genius, Part 2

[sung by Dan-El, to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." And yes, both the husband and I had our backs turned to him when he started singing]

Butt butt butt butt
Big big butt.
Butt butt butt butt,
Big big butt.
Mommy butt, Daddy butt
Jacob butt butt,
Big big butt butt
Danny butt butt.
Butt butt butt butt
Big big butt.
Butt butt butt butt
Butt butt butt

The Cutest Exterminations Ever

2008-09-13T06:07:00.000-07:00

While not quite on par with the dramatic majesty of Jayne's home movies, this is still pretty cool.

August 28 at the Vacation House

2008-09-12T05:41:00.000-07:00

A photo essay by Jak-El, age 5 1/2

Life's a Beach

2008-09-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

I loves me a nice fall day like today. (I can wear jeans! And a long sleeved shirt!) But our trip to York Beach in Maine was wonderful. Here, have some photos.

It's Tuesday, So You Know What That Means...

2008-09-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

It's time for Doctor Who on Ice!

All Grown Up

2008-09-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

Today is Jak-El's first day of kindergarten!

Jak-El and Dan-El share a heartwarming goodbye.

Sharp dressed man!

"Yeah, the ladies love me."

On the way into school.

"We're here Mom. You can stop taking pictures now."

Okay. Fine. Take a picture of me in front of my cubby. Then go. Please. You're embarrassing me."

********************************

*sob* I'll miss him so much. I can't wait until he comes home for Thanksgiving...wait. What? He comes home tonight? They only keep the little buggers during the day? And only 5 days a week? I still have to parent him nights and weekends? That can't be right...

Thank Goodness We Rested on Vacation...

2008-09-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

...because being back is exhausting!

Vacation pictures uploaded and ready to be posted whenever I get my act together.

Now, back to ~~my sippy cup of vodka~~ work.

Dear World,

2008-09-02T10:51:00.001-07:00

Yes, I'm back.

Yes, we had a wonderful vacation.

Yes, there will be photos shortly.

Yes, I will do the 10 gazillion things everyone wants from me three days ago any minute now.

Yes, we have no bananas.

Wait. Scratch that. Just went to the grocery store. We do have bananas.

So there.

Love,
Lois

It's Friday, So You Know What That Means...

2008-08-22T05:43:00.000-07:00

It's time for Chewie, Joey and Squeeze!

1. Here's Chewie! 

2. Here's Joey!

3. And here's Squeeze!

I'm off next week to ~~get my drink on~~ spend time with the family. See ya' in September!