The Couple O' Weeks in Random Quotes
(smell of smoke and screaming emanates from kitchen)
Lois: It just ain't Christmas til' someone catches on fire.
Cousin: Yep.
* * * * * * * * *
Friend: We were in spitting distance of Brendan Fraser.
Friend's Husband: Why would you want to spit on Brendan Fraser.
Lois: Yeah. He seems like a nice guy.
Friend: No, I'm just saying that we were close enough to…
Friend's Husband: I'm sorry honey. I just can't stand by you on this.
Lois: There are lots of celebrities I'd spit on, but not him.
Friend: sigh.
* * * * * * * * * *
(at family funeral, at the cemetary)
Undertaker: Excuse me, but there's a Jeep rolling down the hill.
Cousin: Oh jeez. (runs off)
Priest: Huh. That's the second time I've had that happen at a funeral.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Jak-El: Mom, have you ever had amnesia?
Lois: Not that I remember.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
(Christmas Day)
Dad-In-Law: C'mon son, you can finish this lobster.
Husband: God no, dad. I haven't even finished my own.
Dad-In-Law: Then what about you D.? C'mon.
Bro-in-Law: No, I can't. Really. Why does he want us to eat so much?
Lois: So you'll be sluggish when you fight him later.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lois: I'm just not sure about the actor who'll be the new Doctor.
Husband: Don't worry. He'll be a loser just like David Tennant.
Lois: Shut up!
Dan-El: Eiiiiiiiiieeeee!
Husband: Go hug your mother.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
(children are running amok in McDonald's)
Lois: You two are lucky I can't trade you for a dozen donuts.
Jak-El: Donuts? Are we getting donuts?
Lois: No.
Jak-El: Then why did you say donuts?
Lois: Never mind. And stop licking the soda machine.
Happy 09' People!
posted by Lois Lane @ 4:59 AM
17 comments
17 Comments:
Bwah ha ha!
DANG. You have all the fun. Can I come along next time? This definitely beats my sciaticky and dog-playing-with-rat-poison holiday.
I'm struggling to choose my favorite bit here. There's a tie between: "Never mind. And stop licking the soda machine" and "So you'll be sluggish when you fight him later."
Sparkle! Oh, you have sciatica too? Ugh. I know your pain. We took the kids sledding this weekend and I was amazed every time I got up from the snow and didn't wince in pain. The Mom Angels must have been watching over me or something.
And you're welcome to come along with us any time. Happy Meals for everyone!
LOIS! THANKS!
Yah: My sciaticky sure did act up all snarlylike over the last two weeks. By any chance, does having the sciaticky make you feel like Festus on Gunsmoke? Or Fred Sanford? That's kinda how it makes me feel, by cracky. Crochety.
Sparkle! Sciatica just makes me curse my kids. A lot. Because I never had it before I got pregnant with the first little bast....er, bastion of joy.
"Lois: I'm just not sure about the actor who'll be the new Doctor.
Husband: Don't worry. He'll be a loser just like David Tennant.
Lois: Shut up!"
This exact -- and I do mean EXACT! -- same conversation happened at my house.
So to sum up:
Men can be a bit thick. Except David Tennant.
(Uhhh...hi Mr. Lois...I didn't really mean that...here, have some cookies.)
Cake! Ha!
Conversation from the weekend I forgot to include:
Husband: You make me want to be a better person, even though I don't try.
Lois: Right back at ya'.
Notice that the last comment by Lois was made at 9:11?
Freaky, huh?
What? WHAT?? WHAT???!!!??
"Lois: So you'll be sluggish when you fight him later."
Wait, was this a Festivus dinner?
::rolls eyes at IANO::
"Husband: You make me want to be a better person, even though I don't try.
Lois: Right back at ya'."
HA! Has the husband considered writing greeting cards?
See, ya could have a sunset on the front of the card--or maybe two tots holding hands or something--with "You make me want to be a better person..." And then, of course, ya got the zinger inside "...even though I don't try..."
HA HA HA
You had lobster for Christmas!
Damn I like that idea, better then what we had.
Licking soda machines.
David Tennant is not thick. though I do worry about the new youngest doctor. Has a feel of boy bands. Or boy magicians. That means his companions will have to be really young. Though I want him to take on an old lady as a companion and pass her off as his gran. That would be funny.
Have Tracy Ullman with multiple personalities one who believes she is his mum.
HA HA HA
You had lobster for Christmas!
Damn I like that idea, better then what we had.
Licking soda machines.
David Tennant is not thick. though I do worry about the new youngest doctor. Has a feel of boy bands. Or boy magicians. That means his companions will have to be really young. Though I want him to take on an old lady as a companion and pass her off as his gran. That would be funny.
Have Tracy Ullman with multiple personalities one who believes she is his mum.
its a fest, Lois
"it's a fest, Lois"
Oh, if only I still lived in civilized NJ, where they have Wawas.....
"Never Mind and Stop Licking the Soda Machine" would make a smashing book title.
Just sayin'.
Sparks,
That's the title of David Sedaris's next book. Good call.
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