God Bless Marble Cake!

This past weekend, the husband and I had Dan-El baptized. You’re probably sitting at home wondering, “Lois, should I have *my* _______ (son, daughter, turtle) baptized?” Yes, you should—and here’s why.

1. Cake! Any formal religious occasion calls for cake, preferably something involving chocolate. And don’t skimp and buy one at the grocery store. Get a really nice cake, because you’ll be stuck with the leftovers.

Instead of a cross (no liturgical pastry, please), we opted for a simple round cake that said “God Bless Dan-El.” What we *really* wanted – in keeping with the whole water theme – was a cake shaped like a sailboat that said “Welcome Aboard, Dan-El!” The grandparents were not amused.

Jak-El thought the cake should have featured Batman. We weren’t necessarily against it, but the grandparents were even less amused by the idea of “Holy Bat Blessings, Dan-El!” than they were with the SS Jesus.

2. Swag! Bathe the kid in the privacy of your own home, you get nothing. Pour a little water on his head in public and get showered with goodies. See who writes the big checks! See who regifts things they didn’t want for their own kid! It’s fun.

3. Salvation! If you believe in such things, the whole concept of your kid not going to hell is kind of appealing. Personally, I think that God has a much more complicated rationale to decide whether someone goes to heaven or hell. It involves what baseball team you root for, your political affiliation and whether you think cavemen or astronauts would win in a fair fight.

Final Thought for the Day: The correct answers are Red Sox, Whig and cavemen. No need to thank me now—just buy me a drink at the Moses Bar & Grille when we’re all in the great beyond together laughing at the Yankees fans and Torries.

Happy Monday.