This Too Shall Pass

So last night Jak-El wanders into my office around 7:30 p.m.

Jak-El: Mom, I swallowed a marble.

Lois: What? Huh? You did what?

Jak-El: I swallowed a marble (holds hands to throat)

Lois: Really? Seriously? You're not playing? You really swallowed a marble?

Jak-El: Yeah….

Lois: Oh crap. (Actually, I said a much worse word. Several much worse words, to be precise.)

Jak-El: What do we do?

Lois: Well, I think we're going to be going to the hospital. Go find your shoes.

At this point, I run around in a panic to find the husband and tell him what happened.

Lois: Your oldest son just swallowed a marble.

Husband: Really? Oh crap. (Again, actually much worse word was used.)

I call the pediatrician's after hours line and they tell me the Doc will call back within 15 minutes. Phone rings shortly.

Doc: Hi. How ya doin?

Lois: Oh, we've been better.

Doc: Is he breathing okay?

Lois: Yeah. He says he feels fine but his throat hurts a bit.

Doc: What kind of a marble was it? Was it glass? Was there paint on it? We might need to be worried about lead.

Lois: Honey, do you know if the marble was made of glass? Plastic?

Jak-El: It's green.

Lois: Doc, it's green. (At this point, Doc starts to laugh.) Yes, I know this is useless information.

Doc: Just for the heck of it, ask him why he did it.

Lois: Sweetie, why did you swallow the marble?

Jak-El: I wanted to do a trick.

Lois: He says he wanted to do a trick.

Doc: (laughing) Well, he did!

We talk for a few more minutes, and decide a trip to the ER for an x-ray is in order, just to make sure it isn't stuck in his throat.

We drive over to the ER and wait a half hour to check in, and then another 20 minutes to see a triage nurse. Another 20 minutes later, the boy gets an x-ray and we clearly see the marble has made its way to his stomach.

Lois: So in clinical terms, he just needs to poop it out.

X-Ray Tech: Yep.

Jak-El: What's going on?

X-Ray Tech: You'll be fine. The marble will come out on its own.

Jak-El: It's gonna come all the way up and out of my mouth?

Lois: No hon. The other end.

Jak-El: My ear?

Lois: Your butt. You'll poop it out.

Jak-El: Really? (starts laughing)

We wait another 25 minutes or so to be seen by a pediatrician. During this time, Jak-El proudly tells anyone who will listen that he will soon poop out a marble. Finally, we're seen by the ped, who tells us that, yes, he needs to poop it out. And then we wait another 45 minutes for paperwork and a popsicle. (For Jak-El. I didn't get one. Next time, I'm asking for a damn popsicle too.)

To sum up:

1. The new ER at Newton-Wellesley Hospital is much nicer than the old ER.

2. My son now thinks that marbles are bad.

3. Don't put toys in your mouth.