Hey Barbara, I Don't Care

A friend once told me that he thought his one failing as a gay man was the fact he didn't like award shows.

I guess that means the fact my husband also hates awards shows makes it one of his strengths as a straight man.

I like awards shows, but then again, I've figured out the right way to watch them – on tape, so you can fast forward through at least two-thirds of the show.

(There are exceptions, such as when Jon Stewart hosted the Oscars earlier this year, and when David Letterman hosted about a decade ago. God, that was a train wreck but I enjoyed every moment of it. Wish I had it on tape, if only for the faux "Cabin Boy" auditions.)

Anyway…on tape is the only way I can get through the Daytime Emmy Awards. The only soap opera I watch with any regularity is "General Hospital," a waste of time I returned to recently thanks to my maternity leave after having Dan-El.

So, when I watch the Daytime Emmys, if something is on the screen that doesn't involve GH, I just don't care. Oh, you say the acting is great on "One Life to Live?" I don't care. "Young and the Restless" has great writing? I. Don't. Care.

Then again, I don't really care about the parts that involve General Hospital either. Friday night, I was more excited about seeing the new episode of "Dr. Who." But the tape of the awards gave me something to watch when Dan-El woke up at 3 a.m. looking for a snack.

The next day, the husband was amused to hear I had watched the three hour show in under an hour. "Any good parts?" he asked. Three pop to mind:

1. Rick Springfield opened the show. Yeah, so I'm an 80s music dork. What about it? (But this would have been so much better if he's been allowed the time to do a couple of complete songs, rather than snippets in a medley.)

2. Carol Spinney, the Muppeteer who gives life to Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch got the lifetime achievement award. So very cool. (But this would have been better if they'd had the decency to give it to him on air rather than the weekend before at another ceremony. Or, at the very least shown his whole acceptance speech rather than give over most of this segment to Barbara Walters to plug Rosie O'Donnell joining "The View" as a co-host. Barbara, I don't care.)

3. The look of pure disgust on Martha Stewart's face when she lost to Suze Orman in the best service show host category. I guess a little time in the pokey takes away any desire to smile politely in the face of defeat. (The look was classic. Nothing could have made that better.)

Final Thought for the Day: Martha. I fear her, yet I love her.

Happy Sunday.

Welcome to the Hellmouth

I work full time and have two small children.

So naturally, I have *lots* of free time.

What, I thought, could I do to make the days go by faster? I could tackle that situation in the middle east. Or cure cancer. Perhaps I could go down to the local senior center and teach aerobics.

Then it hit me how I can best serve humanity. I'll create a blog.

After all, there just aren't enough blogs. The world needs yet another person sharing all the random prattle floating around in their heads about their kids, pets and desperate, sad, little lives.

So, here we are. But don't get your hopes up. I don't plan to talk endlessly about little Jak-El and Dan-El, or their feline siblings Streaky and Comet, as fascinating as that would be to y'all.

Instead, I'll be chatting mostly about media--TV, movies, music, you name it. I've got lots of useless trivia and opinions and it will be here, just for *you.* And of course, comments are welcomed and encouraged.

Need an incentive to visit this blog on a regular basis? How about a few celebrity endorsements?

Well, okay. They're not celebrity endorsements so much as quotes from people I know taken out of context. As a journalist, I'm fond of that sort of thing.

"The older you get, the weirder you get." -- My Mom

"People actually read this stuff?"--My Husband

"Mommy, where's your penis?"--Jak-El, age 3

"Psssfffftttt!"--Dan-El, age 6 months

"This reminds me of an R. Crumb cartoon..."--My Boss

"You really need to get drunk."--My Maid of Honor

Final thought for the day: does anyone else find it funny that the spellcheck function doesn't recognize the word "blog"?

Happy Friday.

Is This Thing On?

**taps microphone**

Um, hello? Anyone out there? Testing, testing, 123.

**runs off stage to compose self**