Curse You, Squirrels!
Last year, the little bastards at least had the decency to wait until after Halloween to make our pumpkin into a buffet.
Yesterday, I walked out on to my porch to discover that this year, they apparently couldn't wait.
Just for the heck of it, before posting this I went out and checked again. Apparently, they had brunch.
We need to come up with a plan and fast. Here are some of our ideas so far:
1. Build an electric fence. The husband thinks it would be funny to see the little critters hanging off of it.
2. Build a force field. Unfortunately, as Jak-El pointed out: "You need a scientist to do that. And we're not scientists."
3. Post signs alerting squirrels to the much tastier--and possibly chocolate!--pumpkins on neighbor's porch.
4. Kill one squirrel with a chainsaw, as a warning to other squirrels. (I don't think Jak-El has really thought this idea through.)
5. Teleport squirrels to (a) an alternate dimension, (b) New Hampshire, or (c) the future, where they'd have to fight robot squirrels.
6. Gesture wildly at squirrels, while yelling empty threats at them in a bad Italian accent. "You a' squirrels, you a' stop a' eatin' my a' pumpkins, or I'ma' gonna make a' you into a squirrel risotto."
Anyone have any better ideas?
posted by Lois Lane @ 9:13 AM
20 comments
20 Comments:
And I didn't mention that there are 3 pumpkins and the little @$$h*les took bites out of EACH ONE!!!!
Dear Lois:
I'm very sorry about that. Those are clearly the squirrels that were eating my cherry tomatoes...I used my magical powers to wish them to an alternate dimension but the Red Sox were on tv and so I must've gotten my wires crossed and sent 'em to Boston.
Mea culpa.
Uh-oh. Trouble with squirrels? Why do I feel guilty about this?
I like the chainsaw. Such a clever boy.
Teleport them on to a Klingon ship!
But more practical is to boil onions and garlic in a pot. make a garlic/onion tea. Than spray pumpkins with tea.
A organic farmer game me this tip recently. I will use it next year. Most animals don't like the taste of onions and garlic.
The husband was very proud of Jak-El for the chainsaw idea too. "Smart kid. He's more like me every day" was the exact quote.
I've read that cayenne pepper on the pumpkins works as a deterrent too.
I'm just worried that all these seasonings will make the pumpkins tastier for the squirrels. :-)
Cake: Ah, mixed magical signals. That would explain the squirrel I saw running across the field during the last Sox/Rays playoff game too.
A Thompson machine gun, 1920s style. Or napalm.
These squirrels aren't black, are they?
David: Haven't actually seen them in the act, so I don't know what color they are. Of course, I do assume they are Republicans. Good Democrat squirrels would never do anything like this.
I'm just hoping that the black squirrels aren't taking over here, like they have been in England.
http://davidzrantz.blogspot.com/2008/04/time-scurries-on.html
Maybe you should invest in a Wilderness Camera like Sparkle has, to see what you're up against. Then buy the napalm. You can probably get it really cheap at Wal-Mart.
I know what "@$$h*les" means. Just sayin'. Bad Lois.
David: Shhhhh! Just because you figured it out doesn't mean everyone else will.
Them black squirrels are crafty little buggers, aren't they? One of my friends was attacked by an albino squirrel once. It was pretty funny. (You had to be there to really appreciate it...this was the kind of friend that deserves to be attacked by an albino squirrel.)
Have Dr. Who do some of his magic (or whatever it is Dr. Who does) to the squirrels.
Maybe zap them with his Sonic Tard or something.
Sounds like IANO's as big a Dr. Who fan as I am.
And Lois? I can't speak for you, but I don't often use "friend" in the same sentence as "deserves to be attacked." Just sayin'.
Maybe you and I should keep things between us at the level of those chance meetings at the nerd shoppe, to be safe.
IANO is a Sonic Tard, pass it on...
Just as long as you don't spray them with cinnamon and nutmeg you should be fine.
David: If you knew the person in question, you'd understand.
Okay, then. Napalm for everyone!
"And I didn't mention that there are 3 pumpkins and the little @$$h*les took bites out of EACH ONE!!!!"
These aren't squirrels Lois. Goldilocks has fallen on hard times. Pity her.
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