Pudding Magazine

The magazine I work for has a one word name. That one word is a very commonplace word like, oh, I dunno, “Pudding.”

No. I don’t really work for Pudding magazine. But wouldn’t that be the coolest business card ever:

Lois Lane
Ace Reporter
Pudding magazine

Anyway……

Every so often I get a call from someone who has done a search online for something related to “pudding." What they’re trying to find has nothing whatsoever to do with Pudding magazine, but they come across our Web site and my phone number and think I can somehow help them.

I got one such call the other day.

Me: Lois Lane. Pudding magazine.

Caller: Who am I speaking to?

Me: My name is Lois Lane. I’m a writer for Pudding magazine.

Caller: Right. Yes. I’m having trouble with [Big Famous Company] and I understand their parent company is your firm, Pudding International.

Me: No. I’m sorry. We’re not Pudding International. We’re Pudding magazine. We’re not affiliated with [Big Famous Company] or Pudding International.

Caller: Yes. I’m trying to find the right department I can talk to about my problem with [Big Famous Company] and you’re with their parent company.

Me: No. I’m sorry. I’m not. I’m a writer with Pudding magazine. We’re a magazine that covers the manufacture and development of pudding. We have no connection with Pudding International. Our parent company is Ocelot Unlimited, not Pudding International. That’s a completely separate business.

Caller: I need to reach someone who I can talk to about [Big Famous Company]. Their Web site says your company owns them.

Me: No. I’m afraid that’s a completely different business. We’re not the same company. We’re not related to them in any way.

Caller: But I read on their Web site…

This goes on for several more minutes, and begins to feel like the “Dead Parrot” sketch from Monty Python. And then I begin to get worried.

See, normally when I get calls like this, if the person seems somewhat tethered to reality, I do my own Google search and try to point them toward the right Web site or phone number, just to be a good citizen.

But this call came in around lunch time.

I work at home, so lunch tends to be leftovers or whatever else I can find around the house. I hadn’t had a chance to go food shopping in a few days, so the fridge was pretty bare. After scavenging, I managed to find a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese in the back of the cupboard, which I could make with the about ¼ cup of milk I had left.

I had put the macaroni on to boil, set the timer and went back to my desk, stupidly answering the phone when it rang.

As this woman babbled on and on, I could see the timer ticking down to less than a minute. Do I offer to search for her, or do get her off the phone quickly and save my lunch from being ruined?

Yeah, I saved my lunch. I’ll be nicer to the next confused person who calls.

Unless I have a Pop Tart in the toaster or something.

* * * * * * * * * *

(After I wrote this, I Googled “Pudding Magazine” and there is actually a real publication by that name
. Disappointingly, it’s a poetry journal and has nothing to do with actual pudding.)