Where in the World is Lois?
So it's Sunday night, and I'm here in Chicago on business. My life is very, very glamorous.
After spending a "leisurely" day yesterday ferrying the children around to soccer and birthday parties, making alterations to Halloween costumes, grocery shopping, packing and housecleaning, I got a grand total of 5 hours sleep, thanks to Dan-El waking up at 2 am, grumpy from a cold and cough.
I woke up around 6 am and somehow sleepily Magoo'ed my way to Logan and managed to get on the right plane and find my way here. As I started to unpack my suitcase in my room, the phone rings.
"Emma," says a male British voice. "It's Alex."
"Sorry, wrong number," I say and go back to unpacking.
A minute later, the phone rings again.
"Emma. It's Alex."
I say sorry again and return to unpacking. If the phone rings a third time, I plan to answer with a English accent. "Alex! Thank goodness you called! I've been waiting for you! Where have you been? Go fetch me a sandwich and some crisps!"
Sadly, Alex does not call again.
I lie down for a half hour and realize I can't get to sleep, so I Magoo around the city for a bit, find lunch (since that worthless Alex isn't going to bring me that sandwich) and do some shopping. Then I go back to my room and change clothes. The Mighty Q picks me up and we head over to the conference I'm in town for.
We register in the press room and chat with another editor. Lamont arrives and greets The Mighty Q (a man in his 50s) with a friendly fondle of his right nipplish area. The Mighty Q says hello and ignores the gesture.
Right now, I would really like to order room service and go to sleep. But I'm expected at a dinner with Lamont, The Mighty Q and a bunch of other folks. Should be a good meal with good company. Plus, the person in the next room is playing the clarinet, so sleep is unlikely right now. Hopefully, he'll have finished his concert, which has consisted of the same melody over and over for the last hour, by the time I return from dinner.
As I said, my life is so glamorous.
posted by Lois Lane @ 5:47 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Dear Lois,
Because you are a very hard-working mother of two, the girls and I decided to get together and purchase David Tennant to serve as an escort for you while you were in Chicago. Did we, by any chance, FORGET to give you your code names "Emma" and "Alex"? More to the point, might we have forgotten to inform you of your gift?
Oh, man. David Tennant is out there in Chicago, despondently magooin' around ("I guess she fancies a different doctor" is his haunting thought). We really suck--almost more than the guy playing the clarinet (I'm NICE...I just play my accordion in hotel rooms...and soft, quiet songs like "Lady of Spain" and "Sentimental Journey").
SORRY (and have fun anyway).
Sincerely,
Sparkle
Perhaps Tennant is consoling himself with a little clarinet playing? Quick! Check the next room, Lois!
Logan is a great place for Magoo'ing around...the last time I was there, it was 5am-ish and I had the security officers offering to buy me coffee (really).
Hope you can squeeze some glamour (or at least sandwiches) into whatever's left of the trip!
Lois:
You, The Mighty Q, El Viejo and Cheri Blair were sitting at a table together. The Mighty Q was the only one who wouldn't sue, slap or fire me.
Having a lovely conference, by the way. I hate whatever it is that we write about. I hate conferences. I don't hate Chicago, but I'm not getting to see much of it.
Quite frankly, an endless clarinet serenade would be the high point of my trip. Might make me feel like I was in my beloved New Orleans, although I'd just as soon not be flashed by conference attendees.
I'm off to raid the exhibit hall floor for more pie and wine.
Everyone else: Having a great time, wish you were here.
-- Lamont "I'd Rather Wear A Woolly Mammoth Bikini Than A Jacket And Tie" Cranston
We were all hoping for a pic of Lamont. Especially in the woolly mammoth bikini.
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