Honey, I'm Home

::Lois walks in front door and is surprised to see everything neat and tidy. She hears yelling and turns around to see elderly neighbor shouting at a policeman::

I don't know what this world is coming to! I go away for a week to see my sister Adelaide--you know, she's the one with the bad hip and the diverticulitis--and I come home to find my home in a shambles. There's brownie crumbs everywhere--who eats brownies in the bathtub? Red wine is spilled over the carpet and someone spray painted "E. Izzard is my homeboy" on the ceiling. What on God's green earth is an Izzard? And the whole house smells funny...like oregano or burning rope or some such.

::Lois goes back in house, locks door, finds the husband.::

Honey, remind me in October to not take the kids trick or treating to Mrs. Kravitz's house. Don't ask why. I'm just not sure we'd be welcome.