Oo Ee Oo Ah Ah, Ding Dang, Walla Walla Ting Tang

Sometimes I’m reminded how much I really, really like my kids. Yesterday was one of those days.

It was a big day. Jak-El had to go to his soon-to-be elementary school for his pre-kindergarten screening. This basically consists of him being shuttled off with a teacher for about 20 minutes to play. (Where, I guess, they did a few basic things with him to test his kindergarten readiness. Or, inserted a chip in his head so that he’ll soon be programmed to be evil. I dunno. No one really told me.)

I’m taken off with another teacher, who makes sure I have all the appropriate paperwork, like medical records, proof of residency, birth certificate and, if applicable, restraining order. (Yes, this is on the list they gave us. I’m not sure if it would be a restraining order to keep someone away from my kid, or to keep him away from someone else. He’s only 5, I can’t imagine who he’d have pissed off that much. But anyway…)

After this extravaganza (during which Jak-El pronounced his new school AWESOME!!!), I decided to make it “Jak-El Day,” and we had a mom and son date to the movies. I let him pick out of three choices. I was leaning towards “The Waterhorse” or “Enchanted,” but he wanted to see “Alvin & the Chipmunks.”

I was very apprehensive. See, when I was a kid, I loved the Chipmunks. Had the Christmas record, played it over and over year round. I was really worried that a CGI, rapping version would seem like a raping of my childhood.

But…it was a really, really cute. Jason Lee was good in the David Seville role (I think he’s got a future playing these kind of “Michael J. Fox cute nice guys”) and the music was pretty dang catchy. We had the theater to ourselves, so I let Jak-El get up and boogie in the aisles during every musical number.

Next, we hit Burger King for lunch, and then made a run to the art store for some supplies, including some really funky “marbleized” construction paper, stickers and dot marketers. Next, we went over the mall to because J. Jill was having a sale. (Jak-El didn’t mind—the store has a fountain he gets to throw coins in and he loves it when Mommy buys new Capri pants!). Then, we went into the Apple store to play the Star Wars Lego video game (I sooooo want this now) and had a pudding filled cupcake at the mall café. (Yeah, you read right. Pudding filled. It was spectacular.)

Then, we made a quick run to the grocery store and picked up Dan-El at daycare. It was a good day.

But it didn’t end there. After dinner, we went over to the Y for Jak-El’s swimming lessons. And this is where I realized how cool my kid is.

See, Jak-El is exceedingly chatty sometimes. He’ll walk up to anyone and start a conversation, and doesn’t understand when they’re not friendly back.

So we get to the Y and drop our coats and shoes off in the area outside the family locker area. A boy (about 8 or 9 years old, I’m guessing) is sitting on the bench reading. Jak-El runs over and says excitedly “Are you taking swimming lessons?” (He asks this of every kid he sees at the Y.)

The kids just glares at him and rolls his eyes. “C’mon kiddo,” I say. “He’s busy reading.”

We go off to the pool and Jak-El takes his lesson. (He’s doing very well, thanks for asking, especially since this is only his second lesson without mom in the water with him.)

The lesson is over and we go back to the changing area. There’s no dressing rooms available, and Jak-El is chilly, so I have him quickly strip out of his swimsuit near the lockers and put on his underwear and shirt. We then go back to the bench where our pal is sitting so Jak-El can put on his pants, socks and shoes.

“Who are you waiting for?” Jak-El asks him.

The kid doesn’t even look up and makes a face, like my kid is an idiot.

“Do you hear me?” Jak-El says.

The kid gives Jak-el a dirty look. “Why don’t you just be quiet?” he mumbles.

“I’m sorry if he’s bothering you,” I say, “but he’s just trying to be friendly.”

The kid says nothing back to me and continues scowling.

Jak-El looks at me and grins. “Maybe he’s got brain freeze and his brain isn’t working.”

I bite my lip to keep from smirking. “Okay honey. That isn’t nice. Let’s just get dressed so we can go home.”

Big goofy grin on Jak-El’s face. “I think maybe he’s a dopey head.”

The kid is staring at his book and frowning, trying to ignore us. I continue trying hard not to laugh. “C’mon, stop that. Let’s just get dressed kiddo.”

The very sound of Jak-El’s voice is pissing off this kid, which is amusing the hell out of me. So what do I do? I encourage Jak-El to talk.

We proceed to have a conversation about everything from Jak-El’s favorite parts of the movie, to whether or not potatoes go to the bathroom. The kid doesn’t look up once, but is grimacing so hard I fear his head will explode.

Jak-El, meanwhile, is exceedingly happy.

I love that my kid is friendly. And I kinda felt like this was cosmic justice, since a few weeks ago a friend’s older son (who Jak-El idolizes) was similarly unfriendly to my kid. Jak-El was so hurt he didn’t have the guts to say anything. So I’m glad he did last night, even if it was a little out of line.

So, for Jak-El, here’s the ‘Munks kickin’ it old school. Enjoy!

(And yeah, it’s over 45 seconds. If you don’t like it, well, tough. You’re just a big dopey head.)