Just Keep Entering Those Numbers, Okay?

Sure, some of you go in for that fancy book learnin’. Me? I’m a simple girl. I turn on the television. Here’s what I’ve learned from this season’s finales.

Don’t let friends practice on you to get their piercing license.

Smiling is a sign of weakness.

Falling into a Lazarus Pit and then getting trapped in a cave-in isn’t a good idea.

If you anger the universe, it will slap you.

Don’t let your girlfriend cut the cord on the machine that’s keeping your heart pumping.

If you shoot someone, always make sure William Shatner is in the vicinity.

Never let a janitor into your house.

If you know you’re past self if coming to visit you in the future, bake cookies for yourself. Preferably chocolate chip.

Never voluntarily commit yourself into an asylum.

And finally, if a friend banishes you to the Phantom Zone, then they’re not *really* your friend, are they?

Happy Long Weekend.