Why I Should Go to Bed Earlier on Thursday Night
Coarse language. Parental discretion advised
(10:46 p.m., my living room)
Lois: God, I hate “ER.” Why am I watching this?
Husband: Because you had to watch “Will & Grace.”
Lois: It’s so ridiculous. Every week, someone tries to shoot up the place. Or blow it up. Or a helicopter crashes into it. Why would anyone ever go to this hospital?
Husband: Maybe they have good snacks.
Lois: But all the vending machines are always getting shot up.
Husband: Exactly. So you can take the snacks for free.
Lois: Huh.
* * *
(11 p.m.)
Husband: Well…that was the feel good show of the year, wasn’t it?
Lois: F**king “ER.” That’s what I stopped watching this show. F**kwads. I hate this show. Like I’m not going to have nightmares about this, stupid f**kers. F**king “ER.”
Husband: Well, at least Luka didn’t die….
Lois: No, he didn’t die. He just had to lie paralyzed on a f**king gurney and watch his girlfriend probably have a f**king miscarriage. And then there’s that nurse who got taken hostage with her son by her stupid escaped prisoner ex-husband. And the poor big sweet guy is bleeding from every orifith…
Husband: Orifith? Oh, you talk so thexy. (starts switching channels)
Lois: Orifice. F**king “ER.” Oh, Paul McCartney. There’s another f**king idiot.
Husband: What did he do?
Lois: Oh, he’s divorcing his one legged wife and blaming the media for their problems. Shouldn’t that idiot be used to the media after 40+ years?
Husband: One leg? She must be really young.
Lois: Younger than him, about half his age I think….hey, cake or death?
Husband: I’m kind of full…
Lois: Is that your answer?
Husband: I’m just not hungry. And I’m tired.
Lois: Maybe a mild coma then?
Husband: Why don’t you go to bed?
Lois: F**king “ER.” Why do they always have to kill children? I’m surprised that kid in the strawberry costume survived the hour. Oh, wait. I know. They’re saving that for next season, when we find out he’s fatally allergic to berries.
Husband: Go to bed please.
And *that* is why I should go to bed earlier on Thursday nights.
Happy Friday.
posted by Lois Lane @ 8:29 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
The lawyers have already said that Paul McCartney won't have to give Heather a dime...they say she won't have a leg to stand on in court.
Another reason to go to f*cking bed early.
(I love when you fake swear)
What's "ER"? Some TV show?
Oh really? I'd heard that the courts were leaning Heather's way...
-- Lamont Cranston
Kidding!
I just don't watch it. And by your description, I think I can see why.
Though I guess McCartney could lose an arm a leg if he isn't careful.
She better hop he doesn't have good lawyers.
Get it? Hop, get it? Huh?? Ok, sorry, that was lame.
But Captain NoOprah's was pretty lame, too!
Well, this discussion is just limping along, isn't it?
You're all a bunch of tards with too much free time, aren't you?
We're not tards. We're *special.*
Yes, very very very special...
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