The Christmas Post Show

For born unto you this day is a small child, barfing…

We here at This Just In headquarters had no intention of the blog going dark for a week. Oh no, there were all sorts of reindeer games planned. But then, the barfing began.

Not just one child, but two. And cats. Between the stomach bug going around the preschool and the mystery virus that gave Dan-El a 102+ temp for three days and felines that cough up hairballs as a sport, it was fun. It kinda became like a vomit-y game of the old board game "Clue."

I'll take Jak-El, in the bedroom, after a cookie.

I say Dan-El, at daycare, after circle time.

No no no. Definitely one of the cats, anywhere in the house, just because.

Everyone, knock wood, is fine at the moment. Interesting side note: After the last time Dan-El barfed at school, he was out of clean clothes, so they changed him into a spare t-shirt which read "All Canadian Boy." Does throwing up on one's self twice in less than 45 minutes automatically make you Canadian? Intriguing citizenship test, to say the least.

Ah, you stand under mistletoe. We make sexy time now?

It's very difficult to get through a holiday meal with a straight face after your husband observes (very accurately, I might add) that a member of the extended family looks like Borat.

The loot

Santa was very good to everyone. Jak-el's army of action figures now includes a Dalek, a Cyberman, The Doctor, Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, yet another Power Ranger and The Joker. Dan-El got the Super Friends Aquaman, and added to his fleet of Thomas trains and Bob the Builder vehicles.




Their "big" gift was a Thomas tent and matching sleeping bags. The cats were unimpressed.


The husband and I keep our gifts to each other simple, mainly clothes, chocolate, and for me, kitchen stuff that I never think to buy for myself, so I give him a list at the holidays.

This year's culinary goodies included a mortar and pestle and a new cutting board. Before wrapping the latter, the husband taped a picture of David Tennant to it that Jak-El had ripped out of his new "Doctor Who Adventures." My spouse thinks he's a comedian, mocking my mature appreciation of the fine writing and acting on the BBC production.

* * *

Yeah, so I keep the cutting board on my nightstand and gaze lovingly at it. You got a problem with that?



The booze, part 1

A shot of Glenlivet makes the "Transformers" cartoon much easier to sit through.

Fashion show!

It just ain't Christmas Eve without new pajamas.



Holiday traditions according to Jak-El, part 1

[a conversation on the way to school, the week before Christmas]

Lois: We're having lots of people over on Christmas Eve. Grandma and Grandpa Kent, and Grandma Lane, and Uncle Pete and Aunt Lana, and maybe Diana and Kara…

Jak-El: But not Bruce (Jak-El's best bud from school), because he doesn't celebrate Christmas. He celebrates Hanukkah.

Lois: That's right. But I bet he'll be doing something fun with his family. You know what a lot of my Jewish friends do on Christmas Day? They go to the movies and then get Chinese food.

Jak-El: Jewish people don't eat popcorn?!?!?!??!

Oooh, pretty..

One of the best things about Christmas, by far, has been Dan-El's look of amazement nearly every time he sees the lights on our porch go on. It's great to be a kid.


The booze, part 2

Wine is not typically made from blueberries. There's a reason for that.

No more new Who until the summer? What? What? WHAT?

Jak-El and I watched the Doctor Who Christmas special "Voyage of the Damned" this week, and it was most excellent. (God bless YouTube and those with enough free time to post such things, everyone.) I've decided that if we ever have a third child, he (or she) will be named Bannakaffalatta.

Holiday traditions according to Jak-El, part 2

Jak-El informed me yesterday that everyone in England celebrates Kwanzaa. So Happy Kwanzaa, Jayne!


And finally, a holiday message from Adam West.

(found via Occasional Superheroine)

Frosty the Snowblogger

Our heater went on the fritz last night.

We were very cold.

Now we are warm again.

Warm is much better than cold.

Well, for people.

Not ice cream.

Ice cream is better cold.

Obviously, my brain hasn't thawed out yet.

Good night.

Sing Along With Lois

Our drive home from preschool last night took 2.5 hours. Normally, it takes 5 minutes. I love snow. And I think the state of Massachusetts did a fabulous job of clearing the roads yesterday. (Please note the sarcasm in the last two statements.)

Jak-El: Are we there yet?

Lois: No.

(about 20 minutes pass…)

Jak-El: Mom, will you just drive?

Lois: See that car in front of us? He can't move either. And there's another car in front of him. And another car in front of him. And another car in front of him. And in front of that guy? About 100 other cars. And we all want to go home. But we can't, because there's a lot of snow and traffic. So no, I can't just drive.

Dan-El: WAAAAAHHHHHH!

Lois: Kid, chill out. We'll get home as soon as we can.

Dan-El: WAAAAAHHHHHHH! (takes off shoes and socks)

Jak-El: Mom! Dan-El has his shoes and socks off!

Lois: I can't do anything about it right now. The car is heated. He's fine.

Jak-El: But mommmmmm!

Dan-El: Mom-meeee! WAAAHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHH!

(Lois turns up car radio, starts singing along. Loudly. Keep in mind that Lois is not a good singer. It's like the worst "American Idol" audition ever, with windshield wiper accompaniment.)

Lois: "THEY'RE TRYIN' TO MAKE ME GO TO REHAB. I SAY NO, NO, NO…."

(Dan-El quiets down.)

20 minutes later…..

Jak-El: Mom, are we there yet?

Lois: What do you think?

Jak-El: Yes.

Lois: Good. Then get out of the car. No, wait. (Lois thinks better of her suggestion, knowing the child will take her up on it and locks car doors.)

Dan-El: WAAAAAHHHH!

Lois: "SHE'S SO COLD, COLD, COLD, COLD LIKE AN ICE CREAM CONE…"

And so on, until we got to the house, where I had to shovel out the driveway before I could pull in. The husband's normally 45 minute ride home took over 7 hours, including one minor accident and the loss of his cell phone. Thank goodness for infrastructure.

And how was your commute last night?

Words of Wisdom I've Recently Shared With My Children

1. Don't lick the shovel!

2. Aw, c'mon. Get your foot out of the spaghetti.

3. I don't care what time you got up. Until 6 a.m., this house is an Elmo free zone.

4. Don't lick the car!

5. No, dear. Your Robin action figure does not need to be dunked in your milk.

6. What did I say? Stop licking the car!

7. The Martian Manhunter does not need you to brush his teeth.

8. Please take your hand out of your underwear and pull up your pants.

9. Get dressed now or Daddy will tell Santa. They e-mail each other. A lot.

10. For the love of god, stop licking the friggin' car!

11. No, you can't have chips. Why? Because there are no more. I ate them all. Nyah nyah!

12. Ew. Okay, if you have to lick a car, at least lick our car.

Because the Chupacabra Got Too Much Attention Last Week...

Things Randolph Mantooth and Bigfoot Have in Common

1. Both say their least favorite food is anchovies…

2. And their favorite food is pomegranates.

3. Both have horrendous back hair problems.

4. Share weekly invitation to Thursday night poker at David Hasselhoff's house.

5. Both beloved by millions.

6. Neither sure America is ready for president named "Huckabee."

7. Agree that "nothing for #7" is a cop-out.

8. Both can drink Chuck Norris under the table.

9. Both have man-crush on John Cusack.

10. Both think Easter Bunny is pompous ass.

Fa-La-La-La-La-La-La-La

Lois: Oh, I don't know if you can go, because it’s the day before your company breaks for Christmas, but the kids' school holiday concert is December 21.

Husband: Yeah? I'll see if I can make it. It would be nice to—

Jak-El: WHAT?

Lois: What honey? What's the matter?

Jak-El: What are you talking about?

Lois: Your Christmas concert, at school.

Jak-El: But what about Christmas?

Lois: What about it?

Jak-El: Why is it broken?

Lois: Huh?

Jak-El: Why is Christmas broken?

Lois: What are you talking about—oh! You heard me say 'Christmas break.' That just mean that Daddy's company closes for the week between Christmas and New—

Jak-El: Daddy broke Christmas?

Lois: No! No! Daddy didn't—

Jak-El: DADDY BROKE CHRISTMAS?????!?!??!?!?!?

Lois: No. Christmas isn't broken. It—

Jak-El: ARRRRAGH!

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

To sum up:

Christmas is broken. We need duct tape.

A Chupacabra Guide to Holiday Television

"The Year Without a Chupa Claus"

'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Who is Delicious"

"How the Grinch Stole the Bloody Goat"

"Olive the Other White Meat"

"Frosty the Snowsnack"

"'Twas the Night Before We Ate All the Farm Animals"

"A Chupa Brown Christmas"

"A Chupacabra Story" (favorite quote: "You'll chew his eye out!")

What Santa (and the Hanukkah Armadillo) Will Bring All the Good Little Chupacabra Girls and Boys

1. Tickle Me Chupacabra

2. Chia Chupa

3. G.I. Chupacabra (with Kung Fu Grip!)

4. Barbie’ Dream Chupacabra

5. Power Rangers: Operation Goat Kill Playset

6. Playschool My First Dismembered Sheep Kit

7. Dora and Diego’s Tasty Endangered Species Funland

8. Mr. Potato Head

9. Clifford the Big Red Chupacabra

10. David Tennant (Oh, wait. That one’s for me.)

To borrow Cake's headline...

Chupacabra intermission!

Now, since it's Wednesday, a comic book geeky link.

Hulk like chupacabras!

Tops of the Pops

And now, in honor of Chupacabra Week, let's all rock along with Chupacabra's big hit single...





.....



What? Chumbawhompa?

Oh.

Never mind.

Question of the Day

Who would you rather be and why....


Batman, or


The Tick?


Yes, yes. I know its Chupacbra Week. But I don't have my Chupacbra tree and tinsel up yet. I promise to be in the spirit later this week.