Trick or Treat!

This is what I did last night, instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour. A spider-kin, per Jak-El's request.


Bob the Builder, Cowgirl Lois and the Power Ranger pose before heading off to the preschool Halloween parade. The boys' school is on the campus of a nearby hospital, so the kids get to go trick or treating to the offices in the hospital, where some of their parents work. It's fun for them, but I suspect weird for patients being wheeled through the halls while this is going on. I'd really worry what meds my doc had given me if in my stupor I suddenly saw a slew of Spider-Men, princesses and monkeys coming towards me. Or, I'd ask them to double my prescription, because they must be really good.


Lois: Can we please do one photo without the mask on? I'll let you eat candy for dinner if you do.


Dan-El: I don't have a mask on. Where's the candy, lady?


Go, Go Power Rangers!


Dan-El: I don't care if you are a ninja. I'm gonna kick your butt, and then I'm going to kick Spider-Man's butt. And when I'm done with that, I'm even gonna kick Batman's butt.
Jak-El: Stupid mask.


Can he eat the cookie? Yes he can!


Something for all the Sox fans. I didn't carve this--it's the winner of the hospital pumpkin carving contest. You can't see it in the pic, but there's a broom sticking out of the left side of the pumpkin. Happy Halloween!

The Truthiness About Vermont

Alert Stephen Colbert. Cows aren't the only ferocious wild animals roaming the Vermont countryside. The place is filled with bears too. Luckily, those we came across were actually quite friendly, and willing to ham it up for the camera.







Of course, it may have helped that we cleverly disguised ourselves to stay safe...

Hi Honey! I'm Home!

We're back from Vermont. Had a great time. Lots of cider doughnuts were consumed, and, thanks to helpful warning signs like the one above, we were able to avoid being attacked by the herds of cows that roam freely (yes, you heard me--roam freely!) about the countryside.

More pics to come later in the week.

Hello I Must Be Going

Back from Chicago. Sadly, I never did find David Tennant. But this is probably just as well. Considering how Lamont couldn't control himself around The Mighty Q, I'd be afraid what he'd do if he were in the presence of The Doctor.

And now I'm getting ready to go away again, but this time on a much needed fall family holiday.

See ya in a week or so. Go Sox!

Where in the World is Lois?

So it's Sunday night, and I'm here in Chicago on business. My life is very, very glamorous.

After spending a "leisurely" day yesterday ferrying the children around to soccer and birthday parties, making alterations to Halloween costumes, grocery shopping, packing and housecleaning, I got a grand total of 5 hours sleep, thanks to Dan-El waking up at 2 am, grumpy from a cold and cough.

I woke up around 6 am and somehow sleepily Magoo'ed my way to Logan and managed to get on the right plane and find my way here. As I started to unpack my suitcase in my room, the phone rings.

"Emma," says a male British voice. "It's Alex."

"Sorry, wrong number," I say and go back to unpacking.

A minute later, the phone rings again.

"Emma. It's Alex."

I say sorry again and return to unpacking. If the phone rings a third time, I plan to answer with a English accent. "Alex! Thank goodness you called! I've been waiting for you! Where have you been? Go fetch me a sandwich and some crisps!"

Sadly, Alex does not call again.

I lie down for a half hour and realize I can't get to sleep, so I Magoo around the city for a bit, find lunch (since that worthless Alex isn't going to bring me that sandwich) and do some shopping. Then I go back to my room and change clothes. The Mighty Q picks me up and we head over to the conference I'm in town for.

We register in the press room and chat with another editor. Lamont arrives and greets The Mighty Q (a man in his 50s) with a friendly fondle of his right nipplish area. The Mighty Q says hello and ignores the gesture.

Right now, I would really like to order room service and go to sleep. But I'm expected at a dinner with Lamont, The Mighty Q and a bunch of other folks. Should be a good meal with good company. Plus, the person in the next room is playing the clarinet, so sleep is unlikely right now. Hopefully, he'll have finished his concert, which has consisted of the same melody over and over for the last hour, by the time I return from dinner.

As I said, my life is so glamorous.

My New Job

I just received an e-mail from someone I don't know with the subject line "choosen."

I don't have to open it. I think we all know what this means.

I am now officially a vampire slayer. And just in time for Halloween too, which is pretty neat.

If the apocalypse comes, beep me!

So, Today is Wednesday...

Let's see, what can I post about?

Oh, today is Jayne's birthday! Wait. Sparkle already did that, and much more creatively than I have the brainspace for right now. (My mind is currently on a constant loop of "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" now for some odd reason...)

I went to the grocery store this morning and...nothing really interesting happened.

I think my scurvy might be coming back. Don't know why--I've been consuming the recommended daily intake of Pop Tarts and Diet Coke.

La de dah...

Yeah. I'm just Magooin' around, trying to come up with something to say. I should be doing work right now, since I'll be stuck in a conference call for part of the afternoon.

Unlike a lot of folks, I don't really mind face-to-face meetings, as long as they accomplish something (and someone brings coffee and pastry). But I hate conference calls. It's always hard to focus on what people are saying, especially when you're the only one phoning in and the other folks on the call are all in the same room, speaking so they can hear each other but not necessarily so I can hear them and follow along.

I read an article last week that said something like 8 billion U.S. citizens (I'm making up a number, because I'm too lazy to look up the right one, but it was lots) have admit they shop online during conference calls. I haven't done that, because I could get distracted and end up buying something I don't want, like a non-jaunty hat. But I do browse the Web during calls.

Of course, sometimes I do behave and try to keep my mind on the conversation. That's when I take copious notes that I will refer to constantly. And by constantly, I mean never.

Today, I think I'll work on making a birthday card for Dan-El. Or, perhaps knit a new jaunty hat. And by knit, I mean browse the Web.

On second thought, hold all my calls. Let's watch the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre instead.

The Phrase That's Sweeping the Nation

Last week, I remarked on Sparkle's blog
that I liked her use of "Magoo" as a verb, as in (I paraphrase, because I'm too lazy to search for the post with the exact wording) "Magooin' around more than usual."

On Sunday, the boys and I went to a birthday party for one of Jak-El's school chums. As Dan-El ran into the path of a child on the swings and miraculously missed being kicked in the head and knocked over, another mom remarked: "Wow. He really Mr. Magooed that one, didn't he?"

To sum up:


Magoo. Love it. Use it.

Anarchy in the Pre-K

So last night was parents night at the boys’ preschool. To prepare, I watched this video of Debbie Harry being interviewed by punk toddlers.

At last year’s parents night, the evening began with all the parents being herded into one of the classrooms, for an introductory presentation by the director of the school. While we waited, sitting crammed into chairs better suited for bums much smaller than ours, Jak-El’s teacher passed around a questionnaire. The first question was something like “What goals do you have for your child in the coming year?”

I stared it blankly. “I dunno. I’d like him to start peeing in the toilet.”

The dad of Jak-El’s pal Bruce* laughed. “I was going to write that down too.”

“And I suppose writing down ‘make child less of a spaz’ would look bad, right?” I said.

“Oh, that’s a great one,” said Bruce’s dad. “I’d be happy if Bruce would sit still for longer than two minutes.”

“Hmmm, goals,” I said. “Flight?”

“Heat vision!” said Bruce’s dad.

“Freeze breath!”

“Invisibility!”

We go on like this, Beavis and Butthead-like, for several minutes, until we both notice that the more responsible parent next to us is taking this task very seriously, writing a mini-novel about what she wants little Wally to accomplish in preschool. Sheepishly, we both write down gibberish about learning letters and numbers and being a productive member of toddler society.

(BTW, I'm happy to report that both Jak-El and Bruce accomplished one of the goals we discussed.)

Last night, I visited Dan-El’s classroom first. This was the low impact visit—with the one and two year olds, all they do is show you a few pictures of the kids, tell you how cute they are and offer you cookies. As a parent, you ask how their speech is progressing, and make sure they’re not biting other tots. Then, you go on your way.

Next, I went up to Jak-El’s room, which is the last stop before kindergarten. So there were more detailed handouts, and explanations of workbooks and fine motor tasks and a whole lot of other stuff which should have been illustrated by 27 eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one.

Then, we were given our art assignment. Each year, they force the parents to do a little project, which the kids get to see the next day.

This year, it was “draw your favorite fairy tale.” Oh, poop. The only ones I can think of are “Cinderella” and “Jack and the Beanstalk,” neither of which I’m fond of. And other parents are drawing them already anyway. “Snow White?” No way – who wants to draw all those dwarves?

I scan the classroom bookshelf and see “Puss in Boots.” Yes! If there’s one thing I can do, its poorly draw a cat!

I whip up a drawing of a cat wearing purple boots and a matching jaunty purple hat. I give him a sword and a blue vest, doodle some clouds and trees in the background, and the thing doesn’t look half bad. I leave feeling a little impressed with myself.

This morning, I take Jak-El to school and his teacher tells him to look at mommy’s drawing on the bulletin board.

Jak-El bursts into tears. “I wanted ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’! I don’t want ‘Puss in Boots’!”

I can’t win. To calm him down, I had to do a watercolor of “Jack” before I could leave the school this morning.

To sum up: Kids are swell! Have one, or two, or 20! And make sure you have plenty of wine in the house.

*Fake names, of course.

By Popular Demand...

Self Portrait of Lois in Januty Hat


Bear in Jaunty Hat


Spider-Man in Jaunty Hat


Of course, there's a debate going on in my household as to whether the hat is indeed jaunty. I say yes, because of the festive flower detailing (which admittedly is a little crazy-old-ladyish, but I'll be there any day now, so why wait?). But the husband isn't sure, because the hat is black. So...what do you think?

Thwarted again...

Drank a few glasses of wine in celebration of the husband's birthday (he didn't drink because he's been feeling lousy with a cold/sinus thing, still, I felt *someone* should celebrate...).

Was feeling jaunty and thought it would be the perfect time to take a photo.

And...the new *&!#ing camera battery needed to be recharged.

Damn. And now I'm just feeling kinda' sleepy...

Pic to come tomorrow. I hope.

Random Thought Wednesday!!!

* My new favorite food is the cinnamon chocolate cake at Starbucks.

* Did you know No Oprah now offers lunch specials at his shop? Today is chicken cutlets. Tell all your friends!!!

* The Doctor Who season finale airs this Friday in the U.S. -- if you live in a more civilized country where this has already aired, please don't spoil it for me.

* i wish it was Friday already.

* And that I had some cinnamon chocolate cake.

* This is for the husband...