The Jaunty Hat Hub-Bub

1. Today's post is in the form of a list. Why?

2. Because all the cool kids are doing lists these days.

3. Yes. I would jump off a bridge if all the other kids did.

4. Because I'm a very strong swimmer.

5. Of course, that wouldn't help if there was no water under the bridge.

6. Today, I got to go to the mall all by myself with no children in tow.

7. It was fun.

8. There were a lot of guys at the mall dressed like Turtle from "Entourage."

9. This is not a good look.

10. The husband watched the kids so I could go shopping because he's a nice guy.

11. And I was making him pancakes for dinner. With fruit salad.

12. And bacon.

13. Bacon Ace has never given us any bacon cooking tips, has he?

14. Since we have a Bacon Ace, I wonder if there's a whole Bacon-themed Royal Flush Gang, that goes around committing wacky breakfast meat-related crimes.

15. That would be cool.

16. Especially if they fought the Pancake League of America in a giant frying pan.

17. At the mall, I bought two new pairs of jeans.

18. I may return one of them.

19. Can anyone explain the trend of "whiskering" on jeans?

20. I don't get it. Is it really attractive?

21. I also bought a hat.

22. It is a jaunty hat.

23. The husband laughed when I told him it was jaunty.

24. But he agreed I was right.

25. Probably because he still wanted the pancakes.

26. I hope it gets cold soon, so I can wear my jaunty hat.

27. Good night.

Cat With Speech Impediment Catches on Fire

Cat Enjoying Plague of Doughnuts

The Apple Picking Hub-Bub

Dear God,

How's things? Just wanted to say hi, and thanks for all my blessings and my husband and kids and keeping us safe and doughnuts and stuff.

Anyway...I know you're a really, really busy guy, what with being God and all, but I just thought I'd share with you what we did yesterday. The husband and I went along on the kids' school's apple picking field trip. Take a look at these pictures:


Wait, I think I've found one...


Yep! Got one!


Mmmm....apple!

Oh, we also picked out a few pumpkins to decorate for Halloween...



Yeah, that's right. Halloween. Can you believe it? Today is Sept. 27. Autumn started last Sunday. Which means....IT SHOULD NOT BE 90 DEGREES OUT TODAY! This weather is too frickin' hot for this time of year.

If you get a chance, could you please adjust the temperatures to something a bit more suitable, since it is almost October? I have a new jacket I'd like to wear. Thanks!

Oh, and if you need a character witness for that silly lawsuit that Nebraska Senator filed against you, just ask. I'm a big fan of your work. Well, just about everything. I still don't get the point of avocados.

Love,
Lois

Jak-El Says....

...the word of the day is "taco."

Drugs Are a Wonderful Thing

Whee! Off to take more medication and find my tiara to wear in honor of Sparkle's birthday!!!


Happy weekend, everyone!

What’s Wrong With Lois?

I’ve been sick off and on for about three weeks. Have I been to the doctor? Of course not.

I do plan on visiting a member of the medical community later this week, after I get a big work project done. Or, after I pass out and whoever finds my body slumped over this computer calls 911. Whichever comes first.

In the meantime, let’s have fun with self diagnosis!

Does Lois have:

a. A bad cold?

b. The flu?

c. Pneumonia?

d. A sinus infection?

e. Scurvy?

f. Rickets?

g. A bad case of lovin’ you?

h. The plague?

i. Avian Bone Syndrome?

j. Or something else entirely…..

If Only I Knew How to Knit

Sure, I made a Tardis cake. But those of you who know how to knit can go here and find a pattern to knit your very own Dalek.

(Thanks to ComicMix for the tip!)
 


My Favorite Headline of the Day

"Police Taser Man With Chicken in Car"

This is pretty incredible. I mean, do you realize how difficult it is to use poultry as a taser? I wonder what the typical voltage is on a chicken...

Pumpkins!

Not feeling well and overloaded with work today. Please enjoy this photo of Dan-El from last fall while I go blow my nose for the 1,258th time this morning and then try to write something coherent for work.

The Angelfood Cakes Have the Phone Box

Okay. Actually it was Devil's Food. Tardis cake mission accomplished. Wondering how to do it yourself? Here's how...


First, assemble your ingredients. Yes, I do know how to make cake and frosting from scratch. But what's the point?



Next, put ingredients into bowl and mix thoroughly.



When cake is baked, let cool, guarded by small plastic dinosaur.



Then decorate, and serve.



The chefs pose with their creation. We're definitely not the Ace of Cakes, but I think we did nicely. Now, at this point you're probably wondering what the proper entree is to serve with a Tardis Cake...




Why, Tardis Lasagna, of course! And for a sidedish?



Sonic Screwdriver Baby Carrots! Yes, my husband thinks I'm out of my mind. But he eats well, so he doesn't complain. Bon Appetit!

What's Your Score?

62%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Pudding Magazine

The magazine I work for has a one word name. That one word is a very commonplace word like, oh, I dunno, “Pudding.”

No. I don’t really work for Pudding magazine. But wouldn’t that be the coolest business card ever:

Lois Lane
Ace Reporter
Pudding magazine

Anyway……

Every so often I get a call from someone who has done a search online for something related to “pudding." What they’re trying to find has nothing whatsoever to do with Pudding magazine, but they come across our Web site and my phone number and think I can somehow help them.

I got one such call the other day.

Me: Lois Lane. Pudding magazine.

Caller: Who am I speaking to?

Me: My name is Lois Lane. I’m a writer for Pudding magazine.

Caller: Right. Yes. I’m having trouble with [Big Famous Company] and I understand their parent company is your firm, Pudding International.

Me: No. I’m sorry. We’re not Pudding International. We’re Pudding magazine. We’re not affiliated with [Big Famous Company] or Pudding International.

Caller: Yes. I’m trying to find the right department I can talk to about my problem with [Big Famous Company] and you’re with their parent company.

Me: No. I’m sorry. I’m not. I’m a writer with Pudding magazine. We’re a magazine that covers the manufacture and development of pudding. We have no connection with Pudding International. Our parent company is Ocelot Unlimited, not Pudding International. That’s a completely separate business.

Caller: I need to reach someone who I can talk to about [Big Famous Company]. Their Web site says your company owns them.

Me: No. I’m afraid that’s a completely different business. We’re not the same company. We’re not related to them in any way.

Caller: But I read on their Web site…

This goes on for several more minutes, and begins to feel like the “Dead Parrot” sketch from Monty Python. And then I begin to get worried.

See, normally when I get calls like this, if the person seems somewhat tethered to reality, I do my own Google search and try to point them toward the right Web site or phone number, just to be a good citizen.

But this call came in around lunch time.

I work at home, so lunch tends to be leftovers or whatever else I can find around the house. I hadn’t had a chance to go food shopping in a few days, so the fridge was pretty bare. After scavenging, I managed to find a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese in the back of the cupboard, which I could make with the about ¼ cup of milk I had left.

I had put the macaroni on to boil, set the timer and went back to my desk, stupidly answering the phone when it rang.

As this woman babbled on and on, I could see the timer ticking down to less than a minute. Do I offer to search for her, or do get her off the phone quickly and save my lunch from being ruined?

Yeah, I saved my lunch. I’ll be nicer to the next confused person who calls.

Unless I have a Pop Tart in the toaster or something.

* * * * * * * * * *

(After I wrote this, I Googled “Pudding Magazine” and there is actually a real publication by that name
. Disappointingly, it’s a poetry journal and has nothing to do with actual pudding.)

Sprinkles = Team Spirit

This, in case you're wondering, is the official donut of the New England Patriots. (It also comes in a more manly looking vanilla frosted version, but Jak-El likes strawberry, so we got the pink one.)

I really don't know a lot about football, but should athletes be eating a lot of pastry? Writers and editors, definitely. But athletes? I'm not so sure.

In a related story…

During our dinnertime conversation the other night, the general consensus of my family was that it is a good thing Dunkin Donuts serves boneless donuts.

Sure, some of you purists will say that there's nothing like the Krispy Kremes they serve in the deep south, with the sugary glaze and the bone left in.

Personally, I think the whole donut experience is enhanced by the fact that I don't have to pick bones out of my teeth as I eat them.

The Most Intellectual Conversation I've Had All Day

(Lois finishes up a call to the husband on her mobile while driving the kids home from preschool.)

Lois: (to husband) Bye!

Dan-El: Bye-bye!

Lois: Bye-bye!

Dan-El: Bye-bye!

Lois: Bye-bye!

Jak-El: Cannonball!

Lois: Bye-bye!

Dan-El: Bye-bye!

Jak-El: Cannonball!

Lois: Bye-bye!

Jak-El: Cannonball!

Dan-El: Bye-bye!

Jak-El: Cannonball!

Lois: Ocelot!

Jak-El: Cannonball!

Lois: Ocelot!

Jak-El: Cannonball!

Lois: Pudding!

Jak-El: Chicken!

Dan-El: Bye-bye!

Please Excuse Lois From Writing a Blog Entry Today...

because....

Her dog ate her computer.

Evil people are making her write articles about things other than donuts and pudding.

She's busy watching clips of David Tennant on "Ready Steady Cook." Which is really difficult, considering that the dog ate her computer.



Thank you.

Mitt Monday!!!

Who would you rather have in the White House?


Oven Mitt
I'll hold your pans.



Catcher's Mitt
I'll hold your balls.



Mitt Romney
I have one wife to hold my pans and another wife to hold my balls.

Fred Friday!!!

So...who do you think would make a better President?


A. Fred Thompson
“United by our core beliefs”


B. Fred Flintstone
“Yabba Dabba Do!”


C. Fred the Baker
“Time to make the donuts.”



D. Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute
“I can assure you professional hygiene, discretion and animal gratification.”

Dinosaur Craft Corner

"Hello and welcome! Today, we're going to be making a lovely holiday ornament. For this project, you'll need some popsicle sticks, a few glittery baubles and some glue. If you don't have glue, tape will work just fine. Now first, take a piece of tape and ...X!@?#$>&*!!!"


"Goddamitt! Stupid non-opposable thumbs! ::sob:: Some day I'll evolve, then you'll see..."


"That concludes today's episode of Dinosaur Craft Corner. Be sure to come back next time, when we make a fabulous table centerpiece out of pine cones, pipe cleaners and a staple gun. And don't forget, today is new comics day, so go out and get yourself some funny books. Personally, I'm looking forward to the 'Black Canary Wedding Planner.' Fishnets and taffeta. Me-ow."

Art Appreciation Day

"House and Tree" by Jak-El



"Robot" by Jak-El



"Campfire" by Dan-El (Okay. He actually calls this one "Man's Inhumanity to Man," but I think that's just typical toddler artist pretentious BS, so we'll stick with "Campfire."

Poll: What Did You Do This Weekend?

"I peed on the bed!"


"I left the Senate!"


"I rode a dragon!"


"I like turtles."